I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize