Farmville is her only friend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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