just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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