The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
