I heard we made out
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
