If i come over, it means nothing
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
