how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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