shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
