Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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