Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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