When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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