I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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