Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
