i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
