The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
