Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
