He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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