I feel like I'm in dance class right now
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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