Swine flu is the new snow day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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