I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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