Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
