why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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