Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
