wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
