Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
