hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
