My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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