I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
