I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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