Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
