some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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