YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize