You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
