Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize