Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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