my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize