fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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