my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize