I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
