But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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