So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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