he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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