The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so much tequila, so little girl.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
