the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
