i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
