OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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