last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
