Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
