One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
