god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Houston, we have a squirter
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
