happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
