Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
