yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
