So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My friends, they love my intelligence
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
