just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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