Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize