Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
