Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
