ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
