Who did Billy Mays play for?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
