dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
