my phone needs a breathalizer
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
