I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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