Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize