I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
