A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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