Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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