3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
