Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
