well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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