May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
