So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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