i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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