Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
