Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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